anxiouscat | Labyrinthum IC Inbox

There's a slow blink, noting the silence, and then slipping his phone out to tap away while Kageyama's working in the kitchen. Very chill with the silence. Once some tea is set out he adjusts back up again, glancing over to Kageyama with those sharp eyes.

"Mmh? How so?" He's not sure he's the best person to talk to about this but... Maybe.

Kageyama kind of thinks maybe he knows why people get squirmy if he stares too long when the other's look has him shifting and he's not even digging into his food yet.

"I think they like me too... but when we first met they said they didn't do serious and all," he says quietly. "But... that sickness? He came to check on me."

It takes him a minute to continue.

"And I told him a lot of things. I confessed and I got scared it would ruin everything because he just- I don't want to lose anyone else..." he trails off. This time there's a shrug and he pokes at his food taking a bite.

"So I told him to forget I said anything."

He doesn't know what he wants from Kenma, why he's stuck on the need to share it.

Kenma has that effect on people. His gaze lingers for a bit, not turned away by Kageyama looking back.

Another nod, and a quiet hum. His head bobs along as he nibbles at his food. It takes a moment to think of what to say.

"You can't forget what someone tells you that easily..." Plain, simple. He follows the logic with a shrug. "If you like him, stick with what you said, if he doesn't want to return it at least you'll know for sure."

It all seems like a lot of games and hassle to him.

"Maybe...but," Kageyama says, picking at his food, pushing it around more than eating. A quick way to tell he's definitely in a period of emotional upset even if he doesn't really give off many other signals.

"If we both ignore it then nothing has to change and I don't... have to lose him too."

"Mmmhhh. I guess."

He thinks on that for a bit. It feels wrong, somehow, but he needs to put it into words Kageyama can understand. It's like a boss fight, or...

"If you never play a match, you can't lose either."

He nibbles, pausing, then glancing over.

"But you still play, right? If there was no risk it wouldn't be interesting."

“I know that,” Kageyama says after a bit. He glances at Kenma briefly.

“But… I think this is different. I can’t lose anyone again.”

It’s a very raw and honest emotional response. A rare thing for him to show at all or express.

Hmmm. He gets that. In a sense? Or rather, he understands the idea.

Kenma gives him a look, that plain neutral shrug, but his eyes seem to understand.

"You'll lose him anyway, if he leaves here. I guess I figured... if it's going to happen anyway. I might as well be as close to the people I like as possible." Cold logic mixed with emotion, it makes sense to him, it's what's most interesting.

“I… don’t have a lot of people,” Kageyama murmurs. He takes a few bites, now mostly looking down instead of staring at Kenma as he often does.

“You’re… like my only other friend. And I’m not even sure if you don’t just feel obligated.”

He glances up quickly before looking away again. “You’ve… always had people, right?” He knows Kenma and Kuroo go way back at least so Kenma has always had at least one friend. Kageyama hadn’t really had friends until Karasuno.

"I don't really do things for obligation... If I didn't like them I'd stop."

He shrugs, setting aside an empty plate. Apple pie is the one thing he eats quickly.

"Kindof. I met Kuroo in middle school... We were neighbours. We only met because out moms brought us together. But he was my only friend until I was a second year." Rare to get him talking this much, but it's a pretty relaxed vibe.

"I never really... liked people that much. But sometimes people find me, I guess... Why?"

It's worked because he didn't push them away too hard, that's his thought so far.

Kageyama nods. It’s logical. And he knows Kenma wouldn’t be here just because. Still, the thought had lingered for a long time all the same.

“Mm…” Kageyama’s brow furrows. “I didn’t have anyone outside of my grandpa and sister for most of the time,” he says. He’d never really made friends with teammates but his relationships hadn’t always been awful either. “But then he died and my team didn’t want me around.”

“Before that, I tried making friends with an older setter but he hated me and I don’t know I guess he thought I was trying to be better than him— I just wanted to learn from him.” Oikawa had always been amazing. Kageyama had started by looking up to him before wanting to be better than him.

“I didn’t have … friends until Hinata. People don’t come to me.”

In the end it just comes down to, not wanting to lose the little connections he has still.

"mmmh-" There's... not a lot that he can say to that, only bob his head and listen. An older setter. That does narrow it down.

"I didn't... really know you before you and Shoyo joined the same team. So... I can't really say." There are rumours, of course, but Kenma's also in the year group up and doesn't care that much about any of the gossip going around. Nor does he put much stock in it.

"Shoyo is just... really good at making friends. But. I don't think asking someone out would ruin it..." He shrugs, It's worked fine for him so far. "You could ask if he just wants to try it... Like a trial run."

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